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Don't Look Into That Mirror!

                Both literally and figuratively
I mentioned in my September RECAP  that I'm learning that asking others for their opinion at times is like giving them a cutlass to cut you with. A mirror is a mirror and people could be mirrors too. For this post, a person becomes your mirror when you seek their opinion. Believe me, I've come to realise that sometimes it's really unnecessary because of 3 points I'd be sharing.

1. You might inadvertently ruin your self confidence : Because the mirror might show you some of your flaws and imperfections and if you can't deal with it, your self confidence could be ruined. For example, you prepare a delicious meal, give someone to eat and you're waiting for the person to compliment you but it doesn't come, then you go 'What do you think about the food?' and the reply crushes you. What happens then? You really didn't have to ask.

2. The mirror might want to make itself feel better: I don't know why but I've noticed that people tend to get relieved when they make your own shortcomings huge in lieu of their own. You're in your final year and yourself and few of your classmates have to submit your topics to your supervisor. This girl submits hers first and it probably doesn't go well. As most students would do, you ask her what she thinks your supervisor would say about your work. Whether consciously or not, she'd try to make hers seem better and where does that leave you? Somewhere between feeling inferior and being confused.

3. Sometimes what you don't know won't kill you : You know how fresh and fly you feel when you know your outfit is all dope and well put together? That's how I was feeling one Sunday till I got home, removed my sandal and realised that the sole was already separating from the body. I became weak instantly and my friend told me she noticed in Church but she chose not to tell me because it wasn't exactly noticeable and she knew how uncomfortable it would make me feel. I felt like smacking her at first but when I saw the truth in what she said, I really appreciated her. Imagine I had looked through a mirror(Thank God nobody else noticed and came to tell me) . I'd have gone through the whole day overly self conscious and I wouldn't have enjoyed the day a bit!

I can't even remember what birthed this post. I just wrote down the title somewhere and made mental notes in my head but when it was time to write it, I wasn't feeling it.I guess my boredom with school work is gradually spreading? Pray for me in Darey's voice.  Even up till now that I'm typing it, I was going to schedule it for later and then I saw this

 "Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged." - Thomas A. Edison

I know Constructive Criticism is essential.  We all need it every now and then but it shouldn't get to a point where we always need people's validation to make us feel better.

Am I missing something out?
What's your take on asking others for their opinion? For it or against it?
How do you deal with destructive criticism?

P.S : It's not only with what you do or how you do it. Every area actually ; how you walk? dress? talk? even up to how you wear your makeup. You get? Let's talk! Leave me your thoughts please.


  1. I sure learnt the harder way that what you don't know, is often times better off unknown.
    If you don't see that quick enough, well you keep checking yourself long enough and you won't recognize you sooner than later.
    Thanks for sharing,Olaitan.

    1. Most times, we
      have to learn
      the hard way.
      That's so true
      really. Thanks
      for reading hun

  2. Lol @destructive criticism. I try as much as possible not to let other people opinion get to me. Like you said asking for their opinion is almost the same as giving them a cutlass to cut you and you berra be prepared for what happens next.
    I experienced something similar with some of my course mates who shared the same project supervisor with me, I was always asking them for their opinion that I actually felt so inferior and didn't think my hardwork was paying off. Thank God I know better now.
    Thanks for sharing this post
    My Style Look Book Series

    1. Baby girl, I know riiiight?
      Even though I
      haven't been down
      that path, when
      I was writing this
      it just seemed
      like the perfect
      example and I'm
      glad you can relate.

  3. In this, I remember Nelson Mandela's famous quote, ''it seems impossible until its done''... My parents would say, ''never you tell anyone your ideas until its developed and perfected and brought to reality''..

    Sometimes, not that people just wish to criticize you, but the underlying idea is to make you feel bad and drop that idea which they could never have imagined themselves doing.

    Believe in your self all the time.

    1. Most people can't
      even help it!
      They just find
      others and trying
      to make them feel
      they can't do

  4. Criticism is bitter-sweet and is one of those things that could very easily destroy a person's confidence or make it better. It depends on how we look at it. If we are determined to take it and work with it(not easy), that probably helps a lot more than letting it eat at us until we fade away. It's scary hearing what people truly think, which is why it's a good idea to have a limited, tight circle of confidants who truly have your best interest at heart and who give constructive criticism, lovingly, on various issues.

    I wrote this fun post on giving advice and ended up violating rule #1. Lol.

    How to give advice

    1. I love your comment, Ike! It depends on how your look at it, really.

      Mirrors shows your reflection. When you look into the mirror, as in this case, ask for people's opinion, you don't take in everything as part of your belief system. You guage them based on the perception you already have of you.

      They are opinions,yeah? Treat them so. 

    2. I love your comment, Ike! It depends on how your look at it, really.

      Mirrors shows your reflection. When you look into the mirror, as in this case, ask for people's opinion, you don't take in everything as part of your belief system. You guage them based on the perception you already have of you.

      They are opinions,yeah? Treat them so. 

    3. That's like the
      best thing ;
      having a tight
      circle of confidants
      that would tell you
      the truth in a
      loving manner.

    4. True that it's
      really how we
      look at it.

  5. Good one dear! "Eat the hay and split out the stick". Take anything that is helpful and good but don't let the opinions of other people control you. Grinning...Thanks for your time with the business mind!

    1. Never heard that
      line before.
      I should check
      it out.
      Thank you :)

  6. I have always thought that sometimes people look/seek for validation from others and its the worst thing one can do for themselves. I totally agree with you.

    1. Yeah right,
      it's really unhealthy
      Thanks for
      reading darl

  7. Baby girl this post is spot on, I've stopped looking at the mirror because of my mental health, I can't remember the last time I asked for someone's opinion because my circle is extremely tight now and I'm focusing on my blog, books and my God

    Your posts are always spot on!

    1. Mental health
      problems is just
      the thing mehn
      and a big Yes
      to having a
      tight circle.
      Thanks boo. xxx

  8. That's human for you! You just have to ignore and do your thing!. Good luck dear.

  9. Seriously consider what you want and is right for you, relying somuch on other people's opinion will jeopardize ur peace and happiness. It's ok to seek advice and opinion from those who matter to you, but it's very important to take the final decision yourself.

    1. That's it exactly
      Taking final decisions
      but sometimes the
      opinions sought
      affects the decision.
      Thanks for reading dear

  10. It is good to ask for other people's opinion, but not all the time. When the criticism is constructive, it goes a long way in helping the individual. But we should never forget that what God thinks about us is what is most important.

    1. That's so true
      God's opinion
      first and

  11. You got the mail on the head. Some friends actually find joy in ripping you apart. Talk to God and not friends. My motto in life

  12. You hit the nail on the head. Some friends actually find joy in ripping you apart. Talk to God and not friends. My motto in life

    1. Your motto is
      way more than
      apt. I really
      need to do
      more of it.

  13. Yes, the self confidence might me bruised, but sometimes I believe it is good to look in the mirror and know the truth. Your friend didnt tell you because she understands that moment wasn't the right time to talk about it. I guess that is where emotional intelligence come in. Great post all the same.

    Labyrinths of Lahrah

    1. Yes dear. We're technically saying
      the same thing.
      Thanks for reading.

  14. ... But some critics can go a long way in helping us stay better by making some little adjustments although i agree with the fact about this post that, some of them can make us feel less good thus reducing our self-confidence.
    The Pros and Cons make it hard to make a choice sometimes

    TuhamWorld's Blog

  15. Heyy Laitan, learned more than a thing from this post. I really love the points you raised. I'm rather guilty of trying to view myself through people's eyes and getting their opinion on things I do but really going to embark on the my-feeling-about-it-is-enough type of thing now.

    1. Glad you learnt
      something Dammy!
      Love the
      'my feeling about
      it is enough'line.

  16. This is my favorite post of all times..point on!! Don't give people room to judge you

  17. I enjoyed the depth within this piece.

    Still, sometimes the "mirror" gives one another perspective. They help us see the areas that need improvement or sometimes even celebrate our reflection through their own eyes.

    Two sides to every coin. :-)

  18. Well.. .if am not to sure about something that's when I get anothers opinion. One thing have come to realize is that There's always something to learn out of every circumstance/situation...Some people just want to be sad..and you really shouldn't expect much from them with constructive criticism... At times, its all about a consensus... I can ask two or more people about a certain thing and if all their opinion is similar...then I should look into it... But notwithstanding...if I feel good with myself about that thing.. .i go on with it anyway....And if I'm wrong... I learn my lesson and move on with it...


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